--Here's how it went down, tweet-style. All this happened while I was asleep, and I woke up to tweets for articles about all the ways lives have gone wrong for those in the "spare" position - TOO SOON, PEOPLE, GAWD - which left me totally confused until I kept scrolling. But total confusion is my normal morning state, so nothing out of the ordinary there.
HRH The Duchess of Cambridge was admitted at 06.00hrs to St Mary’s Hospital, Paddington, London and is in the early stages of labour.— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) May 2, 2015
Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge was safely delivered of a daughter at 8.34am.— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) May 2, 2015
The baby weighs 8lbs 3oz. The Duke of Cambridge was present for the birth.— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) May 2, 2015
The Queen, The Duke of Edinburgh, The Prince of Wales & The Duchess of Cornwall, Prince Harry & members of both families have been informed— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) May 2, 2015
Her Royal Highness and her child are both doing well.— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) May 2, 2015
--By the way, count me among the, like, five or so people in the world today that were surprised it was a girl. Only because when everyone is united in a prediction, I always assume it will be the opposite. But YAY FOR FUTURE TIARA WEARERS!
--Prince Cheeks Part 1 a.k.a. George came to visit his little sister, matching his dad in blues. He didn't really seem to understand all the fuss outside, but who among us truly does?
--His wee wave on video for you:
--Speaking of George: His name was announced two days after he was born, which was one day after he left the hospital and after QEII had stopped by to see him. So that's an FYI for those wondering when we'll get a name for Cambridge No. 4. I would like to officially sign the petition in favor of Princess Consuela Bananahammock.
--And then, lickety-split, it was time to take the new princess home to her palace. Here's a big gallery for you. [Zimbio]
--The Duchess wore a bespoke Jenny Packham silk shift dress with a yellow buttercup print. She also wore Jenny Packham when leaving the hospital with Prince George, so it's now the Official Royal Baby Carrying Label. Obviously Kate looked better than I do on any given day in which I have not given birth to a child just hours before, so that's not fair.
--The new mum didn't wear pink, but The Queen had an engagement today, and she did! She also wore a brooch with a skull and crossbones on it - yes! - which I find entirely too entertaining. You can read the full story behind the brooch and the very good reason she had for wearing it today over at the Jewel Vault. Or you can just decide she was having a Mette-Marit kind of day and leave it at that. YOUR CALL.
--And one more thing before we go:
We'll be back on Monday with a return to the non-Cambridge royal world, including the answer to this question: Which royal went out in public knowingly dressed like a banana? Stay tuned.
Photos: Telegraph video and via Getty Images and Twitter as indicated